the wonder years

one day, every girl you know will get married and forget about you

conflict and resolution

looking back its always easy to see where God was

its when youre living through the storm that you question his location

i hope im able to make it out and say, “oh, that’s where you were…”

jump

its like standing on that bridge...

looking down at the water moving, almost calling

what if i can't swim as well as i had thought?

partners in crime:: wingmen

i love the friends i have in virginia.

i feel like its a reciprocated love.

let it happen

i wanted a movie about hope. and thats what i got.

birds that finally fly. oceans that have no memory.

freedom. clean start.

if you have to force something to happen, is it really worth it?

quotes

family quarrels are bitter things. they don't go according to any rules. they're not like aches or wounds, they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material.
- f. scott fitzgerald

new coats of paint

will not reacquaint

broken hearts to broken homes

- dashboard confessional

i am that statistic

"no one is alone the way you are alone"

that sentence is me. no one is alone the way i am. i get that divorce happens. and the statistic is 50/50. but not for me. for me its more like 1/9. no one that im close to comes from a family like mine. and i feel like anytime i try to talk to any of my friends about it, its just sympathy, sympathy, sympathy. i dont want that. no.

i want to be understood. i want empathy.

but for the past 4 years, for whatever reason, God has denied me any contact from someone in my situation.

God, if you knew i would go through this why wouldn't you send me someone who has already been through it?

that only makes sense. i want to know that everything will be ok.

right now there is no guarantee that anyone in my family is going to turn out alright again. no guarantee.

decide

its like im standing on the edge looking down.

i can feel the wind surrounding me,

the gravel loosening beneath my feet.

the dreamer which sees potential, "don't think about it, just do it."

the rational which knows safety, "are you serious? back. away. slow-ly."

and there's, "jump, i'll catch you."

and i'm still afraid to jump...

solitary figures

leaders are always lonely,

so does this make me a leader?

the tension in the room

so tonight was the first time in years that my parents had been in the same room. 

and it took my grand-dad's death to do it. 

it was also the first time my mom met my future stepmom. 

i wanted to be able to be sad. 

but the whole time i felt like i was going to have to break up a fight.

the classic american divorce

i've been feeling lonely

and its because no one around can understand anything im going through. 

im looking for empathy.

all my friends have the "cory matthews" home life. 

no one understands the classic american divorce but me.

mom. dad. fallen. out of love. or whatever it was.

its a lonely feeling.

i want someone who has lived it. and came out all right. 

"when the angels win the pennant"

my friend asked me last night what the worst time in my life was.

after i thought for a minute, my honest answer had to be "im going through it right now...". and have been for the past 3 years. divorce. it sounds soo stupid to complain about. but its ruining me. and im 3 states away from it all. 

this would be a lot easier to run away from if i didn't have a brother and sister looking to me...

especially this last year. 

i would have kissed augusta goodbye and never looked back.

twenty5

1. i used to wear JNCOs
2. i used to have blond spike hair
3. i used to only listen to ska music
4.i used to wear my belt sideways
5. i like drinking coke from styrofoam cups
6. i think watches are pointless now that our phones have clocks in them
7. when i used to wear a watch i wore it upside down, so that when i was playing bass i could tell what time it was.
8. i based my adolescence on the "life in general" album by mxpx
9. i used to wear large clothes
10. now i wear small clothes
11. one time my family moved into the house directly across the street
12. people always think they know me from somewhere
13. i turned 13 on friday the 13th.
14. i love the 90s
15. i also love the 80s
16. i thought wallet chains were cool once
17. my favorite age
18. i idealize the past
19. i was the first one to put a coaster on the ceiling fan
20. i subscribe to word of the day
21. 2 out of 3 girls i've dated now have kids....uhhh?
22. i was born overweight
23. its how old i am
24. ive had a lot of dental work done
25. i've only kissed girls whose names start with the letter "a" (total of 3)

top 25 most played playlist on itunes

1. no one can touch us - sing it loud

2. come around -sing it loud

3. bite your lip - sing it loud

4. six feet under the stars - all time low

5. how will i know? (whitney houston cover) - hit the lights

6. drop the girl - hit the lights

7. the blue roses - rookie of the year

8. jessie's girl - rick springfield

9. his girl friday - the academy is...

10. breathe in - hit the lights

11. if you leave - orchestral manoeuvres in the dark

12. tell me where you are - hit the lights

13. count it! - hit the lights

14. surprise, surprise - the starting line

15. give me anything - the maine

16. everything i ask for - the maine

17. vindicated - dashboard confessional

18. stay out - hit the lights

19. eighty-eights - farewell

20. don't wait - hit the lights

21. men are from mars, women are from hell - four year strong

22. best beating heart - sing it loud

23. coffee shop soundtrack - all time low

24. your love - the outfield

25. let yourself go - sing it loud