i am that statistic

"no one is alone the way you are alone"

that sentence is me. no one is alone the way i am. i get that divorce happens. and the statistic is 50/50. but not for me. for me its more like 1/9. no one that im close to comes from a family like mine. and i feel like anytime i try to talk to any of my friends about it, its just sympathy, sympathy, sympathy. i dont want that. no.

i want to be understood. i want empathy.

but for the past 4 years, for whatever reason, God has denied me any contact from someone in my situation.

God, if you knew i would go through this why wouldn't you send me someone who has already been through it?

that only makes sense. i want to know that everything will be ok.

right now there is no guarantee that anyone in my family is going to turn out alright again. no guarantee.

decide

its like im standing on the edge looking down.

i can feel the wind surrounding me,

the gravel loosening beneath my feet.

the dreamer which sees potential, "don't think about it, just do it."

the rational which knows safety, "are you serious? back. away. slow-ly."

and there's, "jump, i'll catch you."

and i'm still afraid to jump...